It's not getting any better.
2015 has been really shitty to me. My health condition is not getting better, the condition which I had before is recurring and I have to get treatment soon.
I can't stressed enough just to worry about my health, especially in this time of the year when I have two vacation trips in December. This bad news is really dishearten for me to bear. I am NOT in a good mood.
*deep sigh*
The good, the bad and the conflicted
Konichiwa! Recently went for an adventure in Tokyo, Japan. I had never travel this far from my home country before (7-hours flight!). Plus, this is also my first time ever experienced another culture that is completely different, it was amazing!
I am really great that I can finally crossed Disneyland off my bucket list, but my regret is I did not get to play the famous space mountain ride, there are so many people even at 'supposedly' low season! My friend and I also went to the DisneySEA the day after, the night show is so much better, I mean, Disneyland is not bad too *cough cough*.
But then the bad happened after I came back from Tokyo.
So the story is, I agreed on an interview about how I got the bacteria MRSA with the understanding that it is for a medicine that they developed recently. But after the story was published, it has nothing to do with the medicine and they 'conveniently' published (without my permission) my full name, age and even the college I studied along with my face pic!!! It is not what I sign up for at all! That mother fucker journalist duped me super hard! Unfortunately it did not stop at just that, she exaggerated and paraphrasing everything I said in the article, made it sounded as if I'm dying.
*sigh* why do I even agree on the interview to being with.
Again, FUCK.
Then it comes the conflicted.
So that is this 3 guys that I really like, but lately 2 of them expressed their interest of wanting to be exclusive with me. Here is the most conflicted part: If I choose to be in a relationship with either one of them, I am going to lose the other 2 guys which I really like too. And one of them would be sad. Then it comes back to me: I am done being lonely and I am ready to be in a relationship, but I didn't know what to do, I do not want anybody to get their feeling hurt because of me. At the same time, it also kind of make me a bad guy in this situation, *deep sigh*.
1 year mark.
It has been a year since I moved to Singapore, this post is dedicated to remark what have I learned and what has happened to me both psychically & mentally.
The positive +
+ Completed Diploma & Advanced Diploma
+ Learn roller skating
+ Learn scuba diving
+ Travel to a foreign country (on plane) by myself
+ Flight more than I have ever in my life
+ Experience my first love
+ Make a few scuba friends
+ Going to gym for that body! (hot stud in making)
The negative -
- Moved to a house with a nasty landlord (get me out of here!)
- Didn't make as many friends as I'd like to
- Still alone, but this time I'm lonely
- Still feel like I don't fit in
- 3 times bacteria & viral infection, cost me a fortunes!
- First time admitted to hospital, experienced local anesthesia and surgery (not fun!)
- Victim of internet scam :(
- Macbook broke down
This is all I can recall for now, life have its up and down, it just proved that life isn't always a bed of roses. But I do look forward to what may come next.
Good, but not too good.
Came back from a scuba trip not too long ago, it was enjoyable. But somehow, I get the feeling that I have no one to share the joy with… I felt lonely. Maybe it is because I am getting old, I do not feel like wanting to be alone or by myself anymore. I want somebody to share the excitement with, someone to talk to, or laugh with. It's a complicated feeling.
On the other hand, I've moved to a new apartment for about a week now. I can't say I am satisfied with everything, especially with the massive drop in internet speed and a very short desk that I couldn't even put my legs underneath & have to bend my back just to use the computer. Too bad this is going to be my life for the next 12 months, as for now, I supposed there's nothing I could do.
Moving on - 3 more weeks left to finish my last semester of advance diploma, if all goes well, I will be further my study some time next year. One more thing I am looking forward to this year is I am finally getting my braces off this November! It has been such a journey since I first got braces, with all the unpleasant things happened lately, it's really something good to think about.
It's gonna be great
One of my new year resolution this year is to travel more often than I have ever been before. By the time I am typing this post, I already have 3 scuba trips & 1 ski trip in Korea lining up ahead for me. So yeah… guess my life is pretty good right now.
Speaking of scuba diving, recently I decided to spent big money on scuba equipments. It's a big investment but I do hope that for the years to come I will be able to go on scuba trips more often. I feel like I have finally found my true calling, the feeling of seeing majestic wall of corals and school of fish is simply unforgettable, meeting new people who share the same interest and most importantly, it's easy to organize.
It has been almost a year since I live in Singapore, I will be moving to another apartment in 2 days, ready to get familiar with another new environment. But before that, I have no idea that I have since bought a shit tons of stuff! I will have to make at least 2 trips to move all of my belonging, it's a whole 'nother work. *sigh*
It has never been my intention to stay in Singapore in the future, but I gotta say, studying in Singapore is the best decision I have ever made and fight for. To me, it is like one of the butterfly effect in my life. Without coming to Singapore, there are a lot of things I wouldn't even do to being with. If a year ago the old me choose to continue to study in Kuala Lumpur, I would not be the person I am today. I would not become a scuba diver, goto gym, or ever learn how to roller skate. Looking back, I am really great that I made the decision of coming here.
Next goal, Love!
As long as you don't stop
It has been a while. My health condition is slowly improving and I have stop medication. Things are getting normal and boring again, perhaps it is time for me to go on another scuba diving trip to sparkle up my life a little bit.
Lately I ran a full season marathon of Orange is the New Black, one of the scene where Lorna question Piper how many bathrooms does her house have (to determine how big is her house) make me wonder... am I consider rich?
Personally, I don't consider myself as a rich kid, even though I do not have financial problem and is able to afford luxury. With that said, I think of my family is in the "financial well-off" category. But then again, I lived in a house that have 8 bathrooms, 6 bedrooms, 3 kitchens and 2 living rooms. Before you give me stink eyes and start calling me "bragger" or "show-off", please give me the benefit of the doubt and let me explain myself.
Sure, I'm not gonna lie, the house is quite big. In fact, it's so big that it is almost unnecessary and too much for only 2 person to lived in. However, I believe anybody who have extra cash lying around or a little bit of saving could just buy or invest in a house this big in Malaysia, but most of them simply decide that they don't want/need to.
Moreover, rich or poor is a very subjective word. How much do you have to consider yourself rich or how much you left to consider yourself poor? For some people, owning a big house is their dream and is a proof of status, and for some, unable to afford to buy a car is enough to label themselves as poor, even though they do not need to worry about 3 meals a day.
I guess my point is: no matter how rich or poor a person is, a good and well-behaved personality is the most important trait a person should possess. I can't stand when a rich person treat their waiter/waitress badly nor can I stand when a poor person despise a person for simply being richer than they are. Yes, I am fortunately born to a parent that is able to provide me the comfort of luxury and extravagant living. But it does not mean that I am a bad person or a hooligan.
I am not trying to be all Gandhi, hippie and shit. Let's be real, money is very important yet what's the point of living if us human can't be slightly nicer to each other? There is a quote I heard from somewhere: "we all die as we birth, naked and alone.". People most likely won't care how wealthy or dirt poor you are when you live, but some would remember the good deed or how you are as a person after you pass. So let us be friendly to one another, of course, unless that person is a jerk, then you can flip them off and be on your merry way.
FUCK. THIS.
I literally got sick for trying to stay healthy and fit.
Recently I got this antibiotic-resistant superbug infection and it's been putting me in pain ever since, and I am pretty sure I got this bacteria from the gym (so much for healthy lifestyle huh).
This shit sucks. I've been suffered for nearly a month now, the healing process is very slow and doctor noted that it is the most serious case she has ever come across. Hopefully I will recover as soon as possible though :(
Doesn't matter how slow you go
Only a small update this time, a wonderful memory I wish to preserve in this blog.
Life has been okay, recently finished my Diploma with straight B results and went scuba diving for the first time ever. In fact, I am planing to go Manado, Indonesia diving in May!
My first diving trip is full of interesting people, every person I met have their own very interesting story. To some of them, their life is everything I want to be, most of them are successful working adult from around the world. Because of this, I am really looking forward for my next diving trip, but unlike the previous one, I do not wish to get sunburnt again :-/
Gay vibe
Recently it has come to my attention that apparently I give off a very super strong gay vibe. I know this because from my fair share of knowledge there are a few acquaintance ask my friends if I'm gay when I'm not around. And of course, my friend told me all about it later.
While most of my friends are pretty intelligent people, there are always a few ignorant bigot out there. It puzzled me that how a person who I hang out with could easily say he won't hang out with me anymore just because of my sexual orientation. People could be so stupid that they would cut you out because of something that has nothing to do with them and because obviously if you were gay, all your human quality & characteristic is no longer matter. Considering after 21 years of living on Earth this is kinda my first negative comment on my sexual orientation (to me personally), I guess I took it rather maturely. Like a mature person would do, I choose not to converse with that person anymore.
So back to my whole gay vibe thing, it's not like I'm trying to hide it or anything, I won't denied that I do sound/look a little bit of rainbow homo. But then again, if anyone doesn't like it, they are more than welcome to shove their opinion up their ass 'cause I'm outta fuck to give.
Too many task, so little time.
I need a week off. A whole 7 days without responsibilities, allow me to be carefree and to do whatever I want.
Today, it marked the second week of new semester, the Business Statistics subject is way too difficult for me and I am trying really hard to keep it up. Besides that, I got tons of things that needed to be done and a shitload of stuff in my mind that I am trying to get it out off. Anxiety and panicking ridden is no fun at all :(
It's all about planning and getting shit done. But sometimes there are so many stuff in my mind it is practically impossible to organize. Time is running faster than me and if I don't at least try to catch up I'll be left behind, worst part of all, circumstances changed thus leading to my original plan falling apart. On top of that, reevaluate plan is time consuming and adds up even more problem than I already have. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT.
So that about to sum it up, a lot has happened but yet at the same time nothing has happened at all.
The only good news is, I had finally overcame the complex feeling that I babbling in previous post, now I am back to the same old cold hearted self again.
