SHITHOLE
I... couldn't take it anymore.
I didn't ask for more, just that one thing. That one thing can made my life so much easier than what I am in now. That one thing represented the beginning of everything.
Fear
I wanted to finish this post before I am still sane. Because early today, I found myself curling at the corner of the room and knowing that I could easily gone mad at any moment.
Easy saying, I NEED THERAPY. NOW.
You see, the optimism does not work well after all. No matter how many times I have embraced the desire for America, the brutal of truth are always there. Therefore, when this two great deal of 'universe' collapsed, the infinity amount of 'fear' had been born and slowly engulf me. The fear of not going to any college, the fear of the future, the fear of dream being shattered.
So, when just now I found myself curled up at the corner, I took a looked at everything around me and an anonymous fear crawled up to my throat and told me: EVERYTHING IS WRONG, EVERYTHING IS WRONG, EVERYTHING IS SO WRONG. Apparently, I am halfway gone mad. And if it happened to anyone watching this post, please take this seriously.
Invoke the code - Unforgivable Code
TO:
Specifically someone may or may not watching this blog,
someone that told me my America dream ain't gonna come true.
Give me a second to make this clear for you, just because your dream are dead does not mean that I am too. In addition, your tragic & pathetic life are none of my business as well as I did not give a fuck of how you may lived your life. So, why don't you (whoever-this-may-be) SHUT THE HELL UP because I am going to achieve my dream nonetheless.
Last but not least, I can assured you that my heart are cold and my steps won't stop for ANYONE else, literally. Love and relationship are just plain gross and disgusting for me. That's all for you, PEACE.
Even now
Stupid?
Stupid is watching all of your friends make plans for their future
and realizing that you have none at all.
and realizing that you have none at all.
No plans, no college, nowhere to go.
All I have here is everything that I don't want, and...
And I have no idea what I'm doing.
1 Day 24 hours 1440 minutes and 86400 seconds. I've wasted most of it and the fear of getting old and accomplished nothing before I die are engulfed me bit by bit everyday.
Though, it is part of me to blame. Blame for whining too many times and not take much action. Yes, that is something I am aware of but for the most part I won't take any other judgement. Because no one in the world know what exactly is going on to me, everybody just want to talk JUNK and compared their life to mine. Which is, I found highly annoying and want them to shut the hell up for their ignorant's sake.
One more thing that I found irritating is when people called me stubborn just because I didn't do as they told or like. Example, I have to force myself to like a certain thing that I hate the most, otherwise I am defined as a 'stubborn' person. Sometime, people just cannot understand the meaning of "I DON'T WANT". What a strange and stupid world we lived in, huh?
