At first, I thought I was overthink. But as time progress, I still felt like an outcast even though I am in the "group".
If only there's a button that could let me refresh any relationship
Recently, I figured my friends don't really joke with me anymore, they probably think I'm an easily angered person. Plus, while I'm struggling between how to communicate & acceptance, I'm become quieter in the group as well.
Having friends is good, it is nice and they keep you company and entertained. But, they are also a fixed image of yourself, remind you who you used to be and refuse to let you be who you wanted to be.
I am a short tempered person, I'll give you that. Perhaps when you had a terrible childhood when your parents scold you for no reason or blame you for something you didn't do all the time, you'll starting to lose control of anger.
Moreover, I've been dealing with all those messed up since I was a child, all alone. There was never someone in my life I can truly trust. Every adults is the spy of my parent, as for children my age? They are either too naïve or they just curious or they simply do not cared. Also, being constantly lied by my parents & dump between them isn't helping at all. I guess, this is why I turned out so needy but also never wanted to trust anyone ever again at the same time.
As of today, I can have almost every material things I want. But there are none can satisfied me. Because nobody (except a few) ever took the time to looks inside the holes in my heart. Even my parent is being an insensible shithead making things worst for me.
